I have been sharing my story with many friends face to face, and more recently I have felt this pressing to share it wider, in the hope that it will be some encouragement.
In July this year I had my third miscarriage after having had two about 8-9 years ago. The two experiences have been indescribably different, because this time I had God. The greatest gift I’ve ever had, was becoming a Christian 5 years ago. From the moment I realised I was miscarrying, I am not sure I have ever felt so close to God. Through the excruciating pain, fear and confusion, I knew He was right there with me, telling me to breathe, telling me it was ok. His presence was so real. The whole day, Erik and I were just giving thanks; thanks for Him being with us, thanks for His strength, thanks for our hope, thanks for the bond and closeness brought to our marriage through the experience. Thanks for our medically minded friends over the phone when I felt a million galaxies away from medical care. I’ve had tough days, but I have had so many glorious days, when I am able to share my story and what God has done for me. I’ve been able to have joy even through the pain.
Everyone is different, and everyone has different ways of dealing with their hurt. But one thing I know for sure, and I want to encourage others with; when we talk about it, when we share our stories, we encourage one another, we give hope, we lighten our loads and we let light and Gods love flood our circumstances. Then the darkness and the enemy who tells us lies has to flee. Doubt, loneliness and fear of the future are not from God, they are from the enemy. Where there is light there can be no darkness and when we lay down our lives to God, and look up to Him in all that we do, He holds our hands through the darkest moments and He WILL guide us out.
I don’t understand why bad things happen, and I never will, and that’s ok. Sometimes I do ask God why, but I still praise Him, because He has a plan for my life. God is for me, no weapon formed against me shall remain. The enemy will not win.
This song is so encouraging, and when I looked up the video to share here, I actually had not realised the story behind it. Listen to the video of this ladies story and the strength that pulled her through, then listen to the song below.
Ladies, and men, if you have suffered the hurt, confusion and disappointment of miscarriage; share your stories with your friends and family and possibly even your community, and allow yourselves to grieve and love each other. Whether your experience of miscarriage was today, or thirty years ago, whether you miscarried at 5 weeks or 5 months, you suffered a great loss. I had buried my previous experiences so deep, and brushed them aside when I was repeatedly told “well at least it was early”, so I kept telling myself that I had nothing to mourn.
If you know someone who has had a miscarriage, be brave and bold to talk to them about it, even if it is just a silent hug or a “I’m sad for you and here if you want to talk”. A man in our community came up to me and told me that he was sorry to hear about our miscarriage, and I was so taken aback, but so grateful. The poor guy probably didn’t expect me to blab on about it, but I figured he had broad enough shoulders if he was bold enough to approach me! It’s alright if you cry, it’s alright if you cannot speak, it’s alright if you feel nothing, just do it with God, and do it with community.
This book was helpful to me, and might be helpful to you too. What Was Lost, a Christian Journey Through Miscarriage.
Some scripture worth reading; Psalms 139, Psalms 147:3-4 , 1 Peter 5:8-11, Philippians 4:6-9. I hope this is some encouragement to anyone out there today.
If you have experienced a miscarriage, I would love to hear which scriptures have encouraged you.
Edit 16 July 2020: I wrote this last year in the hope that it would encourage others who have been through the same. What I realised after is, even though I mentioned how we shouldn’t have to justify our loss by how far along the miscarriage was, I actually still do this. I had two early miscarriages where I didn’t even bother going to the gynae (I do not recommend this!), because it was just too exhausting, and once you have had a couple, you know what is happening. Makes me think that the stats of miscarriage are far higher than we realise, because I can bet there are many, many women out there who have done the same. I hope some of the scriptures above encourage you, there are some more mentioned in the comments below.